I love Birthdays (hold the parties)

I love not only that April Fools’ Day is my actual birthday but that it usually falls on or around Easter—because Lord knows,  I love a good resurrection—(the whole rebirth, rise from the dead theme is right on brand for me) but then pair that with the whole day of foolishness theme?  Give me a break! I could not ask for a better day on which to celebrate the day I first appeared on Earth.

I love birthdays in general but not for the obvious reasons – the whole party thing for example is not my thing. As my drawing and accompanying caption (see above) written 50 years ago in my grade one “primary journal” attests—I am much more an intimate affair kind of gal. Give me a quiet -ish gathering (in the case of my 7^th birthday- 2 friends was the magic number).  Something small and low-key, thank you very much. As I so astutely observed in my notebook; “it was fun. I liked it.” I recall one of my bigger birthday bashes- I must have been turning 9 or 10 and my mum had arranged for me and my guests to go see the movie Charlotte’s Web.  I can’t remember how many kids were invited but I am guessing probably six or seven–  not a huge affair by any stretch of the imagination but plenty big enough. What I remember about that particular party is that after we returned home from the theatre for cake as we were gathered around the kitchen table, everyone began to sing “Happy Birthday” to me and out of nowhere  I just burst into tears. I remember being really confused as to why I was crying and for years I think I equated parties to the anxiety of being the centre of attention (I know, I know I am a freakin’ performer so how does that make any sense?? But, there is a big difference between real-world attention and non-performance attention…) Anyway as I write this I am beginning to wonder if I was really just feeling overwhelmed about the ending to Charlotte’s web- I mean, Wilbur’s monologue at the end?  When he’s talking to Charlotte’s kids telling them what an awesome friend their mother and they say it would take them a lifetime to be as great as she was and he says “A lifetime, that’s what we have…” Gah! Heartbreaking! Anyway, whatever the reason for my birthday breakdown, parties have never much been my thing. That’s not to say I don’t LOVE all the messages and calls from my kids and friends–folks from across the globe I’ve been getting today—I  absolutely cherish that part of birthdays.  (Just don’t show up all at once and sing Happy Birthday to me as I hover over a spider-themed birthday cake.)

But! Back to the rebirth and resurrection theme of my April 1^st birthday—now THIS I am fully onboard with. The reflecting on the year gone by, the goal setting and dreaming and scheming for the year ahead— What am I grateful for? What lessons did I learn? What parts of me will I bring forward and what parts of me will I choose to leave behind?  How can I rise up to meet the new and improved me? I will spend a blissful time this evening with my journal- but first I am being taken out for supper to my favourite burger joint by my ol’ man and youngest son. It will be fun. I will like it. And if I am to burst into tears I will remind myself that it’s OK to take the time  I need to shed a few tears on my birthday because… a lifetime, that’s all we have.